Fighting the Reflection
For the past week, a robin has been attacking our sliding glass door from sun-up to sundown with very few breaks. Obviously, it’s mating season and he must defend his territory against the bird coming at him through the glass who is as tireless and persistent as he. I’ve tried to disrupt him by standing in the door and flicking on a light, to no avail. I just hope he doesn’t hurt himself.
Sometimes I wonder if God, having a vastly different perspective than we on our lives, doesn’t look at us the same way. He observes us metaphorically banging heads against one another and sadly shakes His head at the futility of our actions. He doesn’t want us to injure ourselves.
It is somewhat perplexing that seeing our reflection in other people can be so annoying and disgusting, but I believe I understand a little of the origins. Family systems are a great source of dysfunctional behaviors such as manipulation, control, shaming, judging, belittling, marginalizing, accusing, appeasing, aggrandizing, spoiling, and the like. The 24/7 family seminar taking place teaches children the art of repeating these things to either defend themselves or to get the upper hand with others. When these children grow up, marry or have close contact with others through school or work situations, they invariably run into individuals employing similar tactics. This is one reason many of us are repulsed by certain people – we’re looking at our own reflection without realizing it.
We can know we are having a reaction to something familiar when other people seem to engage well with those who get on our last nerves. What is it that challenges my patience and produces an over-the-top reaction? Could that person actually be reacting to my behavior or communication style so that we now have a sparring match? Apart from avoiding these people, what do we do?
While familial behaviors run deep, there is One Who knows how to make course corrections. Jesus entered this world as Savior and Teacher, and He is still doing that job today for all who seek Him. He simplifies the process as is stated in Hebrews 12:1-2. “Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before Him He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
Two obstacles generally stand in the way of us embracing Jesus: wounds from our past that discolor our perspectives thereby leading us into sin, and the desires of our fleshly natures. “[God’s grace] teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age.” (Titus 2:12) The intentional exercise of saying “no” is actually doing spiritual warfare to resist the devil so that he must flee (James 4:7), releasing us from bondage in those wounds. Paul additionally teaches in Galatians 5:24 that “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” This is the self-discipline to turn away from self-gratification and shift our desires to devotion to Jesus. That allows His loving Presence to change our hearts and therefore the behavioral overflow.
Having removed the obstacles, we can now focus our eyes on Jesus. “And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” (1 Corinthians 13:18) In light of our failings that spite our best efforts, how wonderful and amazing it is to know we can actually be transformed as we keep our eyes on Jesus. This extraordinary blessing allows us to trade the reflection of our old man with the new reflection of Christ in us. While there will always be territory seekers who fight His reflection, I pray those of us calling ourselves Christ-followers will always be drawn to the image of Him Who is love.